On an overly exuberant toilet…

This post’s title is literal. I was on such a toilet.

I hate overly exuberant auto-flushing toilets.  While attending a conference this week, I used my 15-minute breaks between workshops to use the bathroom and find the one water station destined to serve the thousands in attendance, lugging my suitcase with me because the conference refused to check bags on the second day though it had the first. (I had arrived from the airport to go straight to the conference and would leave from the conference to go directly to the airport. Knowing this, I had checked with conference staff prior to the event to ask if I would be able to check luggage. I got a resounding “yes, not a problem at all.” However, it was a problem. For me.) Sigh. Yes, I’m a bit bitter plus suffering from a bad back, and so hoisting a suitcase, even one on wheels, through a maze of networking people and vendors to reach my seat of choice (i.e. one with enough space for my suitcase too) in the workshop of my choice for each of the 11 times slotted for presentations on Day 2… well, it didn’t make me happy. But I digress.

I hate overly exuberant auto-flushing toilets. I admit I have gotten to the place in life where I expect a toilet to flush automatically as I raise myself from its porcelain pristineness. Except at home. And not necessarily because I am not raising myself from porcelain pristineness. (I live with men and our toilets are pristine only in the short interim between cleaning and using them. Frankly, all the hubbub surrounding transgenders and bathrooms is probably a result of men wanting out of the men’s restroom into something cleaner. Which probably explains the long lines.) At home and in the hotel, I had to manually flush the toilet, but at work, in the airport, and at this conference, toilets flushed automatically. Like a great “hurrah!” for using the potty. Could be great for potty training. Instant reward; no candy necessary to bribe a child to give up diapers.

Unless a toilet acted like the one in the stall I chose at the conference. This auto-flushing toilet flushed five times while I sat on it, and I was not on it long. It was like sitting on a bidet. I think (since I have never used one). Or maybe, more likely, a butt mister. Because each time it flushed, it spritzed water on my butt. Which made me feel much better about the times I had failed to check the toilet seat and found myself sitting in something wet and imagined something much worse than exuberant flushing mist.

Of course, when I finished using the toilet, blotted the mist off my rear end and got up to leave, the exuberant auto-flushing commode lost its enthusiasm for its job. It didn’t flush. I sat back down and stood back up. I opened and then closed the door. I exuberantly sat back down, pretended to use the toilet, and stood back up. No response from the porcelain enthusiast. I waved my hand in front of what I assumed was the mechanism that triggered the flushing. No flush. As a last resort, I pressed anything that looked remotely like a magic button so I could manually flush. Nada.

And so I walked away, realizing that far worse than an exuberant auto-flushing toilet is a toilet that won’t flush at all.

5 thoughts on “On an overly exuberant toilet…

  1. A warm sticky seat *baulk* one curled short hair that sticks to the back of your thigh *heave*. But far worse than auto warm flush glass recepticals of waste are countries with… none. *gasp* 😇

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yucky visuals! As I was looking for images to use, I saw some photos of those squatty potties that have no seat, just a hole in the ground with designated areas for the feet. A friend of mine honeymooned (!) in Africa where they only had these types of facilities, and she didn’t poop for a week. So auto-flushing craziness is definitely a first world problem I can suffer. 🙂 Best, Sara

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sara, I wanted to Comment – it wants a web site..don’t know what that means…  I laughed – almost out loud in the computer lab!    Our public bathrooms do flush when we stand up…if not a little ‘black’ button works…most people/residents don’t know that!!!    I feel for you…Hope you are home safely with your own clean bathroom:)  Thanks for the update on Scott…hope he continues to be ‘well’…Love & prayers, Aunt Claire

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, Aunt Claire! Your comment worked. I think the website is just an option rather than a requirement. 🙂 I have figured out the system in the bathrooms at work, but these at the conference seemed to have no button for manually flushing the pot. I am happy to be home — though the conference was absolutely amazing. Glad Scott is home and well, too. Love you and appreciate your prayers!

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