Too tired to sleep…

I had been battling a cold for more than a week and needed rest to continue on the road to recovery–but I couldn’t sleep. I was too tired.

I tossed and turned–feeling like the princess in the story of the “Princess and the Pea.” Everything felt uncomfortable. Was something biting me? Scratch, scratch. Were those crumbs in my bed? Brush, brush. Why was my pony tail feeling like such a huge lump? Yank. Aaaaahhh. Settle. Settle.

On the back. Still awake. Flop. On the belly. Still awake. Sigh. Thoughts from the day poured through my mind. My miscount of the number of books I needed for my English classes. Instead of five (ordered today), I needed fifteen. What if that was over budget? What if I was told I had to adjust how I taught and teach one book to one class while teaching another to the others? That would mean adjusting not only lesson plans but also actually adding another entire course to our school’s learning management system. Which would mean building and maintaining both courses. Which would mean…

Cereal. And milk. And a list of jotted ideas working through the “what ifs.” Just in case. My mother always said to write things down to let your mind let go of it. And so began two somewhat scientific panic lists:

• If I can order the books then…
• If I can’t order the books then…

Back to bed. Toss. Turn. No comfort anywhere. I command myself:

• Stop.
• Just lay there.
• Be still.
• If you move you will have to start all over again.
• Relax.
• Breathe.
• Mentally rehearse Scripture (“The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want…”)

Scratch. Brush. Yank. Sigh. I need sleep. I am tired of this cold. Must sleep. Sigh. How can that man next to me just sleep? My laptop is dead. Dead battery replaced last week. New power adapter ordered. Stop. Sleep. If I can’t sleep then maybe I should just get up and…

I never did enter attendance today since my laptop wasn’t working. Is my gradebook up to date? I could finish that PowerPoint for Fahrenheit 451. Maybe the library has enough copies of the book so students could borrow them for four weeks. Work. Or write about…

Sleepytime herbal tea and raw honey and the princess and the pea. Writing in a notebook to avoid computer stimulation. So tired. Eyes closing. Sleeping while sitting. And writing. And my husband finding me in the kitchen saying, “It’s time to go to bed.” To sleep.

Aaahhh. The comfort. I sink into the mattress and feel as if I am floating. Until I notice my heart beating rapidly. Is that normal? “The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures…” Ah. Lie down. Green pastures. “He gives to His beloved sleep.” Sleep. Finally.

(I awoke to an alarm five hours later to find my principal had ordered the books and taken the blame for the miscount. My new laptop charger will arrive tomorrow. Silly troubles. Bothersome peas. Tonight the princess will sleep.)